The Office’s Dwight and Angela had just as an important love story as Pam and Jim did. Sure, Pam and Jim had heart eyes for each other for years and maintained a friendship before dating but Angela and Dwight’s relationship deserves some credit, too. No one really knows when they started dating but they first broke up after Dwight killed Angela’s cat, Sprinkles. But the two never really broke up because they continued sleeping with each other throughout their other relationships.
Nevertheless, over time Dwight realized he wanted a child and the perfect mate would be Angela. At the time, the two were not romantically involved and decided drawing up a child contract would be best. So, on March 4, 2010, a contract was drawn up and here are 10 hilarious things found on their contract.
10 THERE ARE FEW NAMES THAT ARE ACCEPTABLE
As we know, when Angela gave birth to her baby she “thought” the father was her husband, Senator Lipton. Not keeping Dwight or their former child contract in mind, she decided to name her baby Philip.
However, if we rewind to their contract that was drawn up months earlier, Philip was not deemed an acceptable name. According to point 3.9 in section three, the only names that were allowed were Ebeneezer, Jebediah, Honus, Jedediah. And yes, those are all male names because Dwight refused to have a female.
9 A SCHRUTE CHILD’S EYE COLOR DETERMINES THEIR WORK EFFORTS
According to section five: Physical Attributes, “Should the child be born with one (1) blue eye and one (1) brown eye, the parties agree that the child will be highly prized.”
While having two different colored eyes is seen as rare, it’s rather interesting it was important enough to add to their contract. Furthermore, if their child did have two different colored eyes, “the child will be allowed to begin plowing at age seven (7) rather than eight (8).”
8 ANGELA HAD TO COMPLETE A BEET JUICE CLEANSE BEFORE GETTING PREGNANT
As a Shrute, Dwight’s beet farm and beet legacy mean the world to him. He has a very large beet farm that’s worth a small fortune and he genuinely loves beets. Knowing their nutritional content, Dwight had the contract state that Angela must perform a beet juice cleanse before trying to conceive a child.
When he was trying to get out of the contract (because he was falling for Pam’s cousin), he didn’t trust Angela was taking the beet juice cleanse seriously. That is, until Angela showed him her red-stained teeth.
7 ANGELA AND DWIGHT WOULD SHARE JOINT CUSTODY OF THEIR CHILD
At the time when the child contract was written, Angela and Dwight were not dating. In fact, Angela began dating Senator Lipton after Dwight kept pushing back one of their “meetups.”
However, in case Angela did get pregnant during their five attempts at creating a child, the two would share custody of their child. This thorough document proves that the two were on the same page legally if a child were to be born.
6 MIND-POWER WILL BE USED IN CASE THE BABY IS BREECHED
We don’t know much about Angela’s labor because she supposedly gave birth prematurely. However, once people (mainly Oscar) started doing the math, they realized Angela delivered a very healthy baby boy at full-term.
Considering she cheated on her husband with Dwight, she lied to everyone and made them believe the baby was his, which is why he was born early. But if Senator Lipton wasn’t in the picture and the baby was Dwight’s from the start, mind-power would have been used if the baby was breeched. According to section three, point 3.1, “If the child is breeched, he must be turned around in the womb via mind-power.”
5 DR. SEUSS IS NOT ALLOWED TO BE READ TO THEIR CHILD
Dwight and Angela are both very traditional, old-school thinkers. They think everything going on in modern society and parenting is a shame and judge everyone over it (including Pam who is a mother of two). And since Dr. Seuss is the conventional author for many childhood books, Dwight and Angela banned it from their child’s life.
In section six: Education and Learning, point 6.1 states “In no event shall Roald Dahl or Dr. Seuss books be read to, or by, the child. Parties agree that the only acceptable books that may be read to the child are: Beowulf, Struwwelpeter by Henrich Hoffman, and Warriors.“
4 THE CHILD MUST SLEEP WITH ITS EYES OPEN
In section six, point 6.2, their contract states “The father will train the child to sleep with his eyes open.”
It’s tough to say if Dwight sleeps with his eyes open but if there’s anyone in the world who can sleep with their eyes open, it’s Dwight.
3 IF ANGELA WAS IN PAIN DURING THE LABOR, THESE ARE THE ONLY TYPES OF PAIN MEDS SHE CAN TRY…
As we mentioned, no one is really sure how Angela’s labor went, however, she didn’t seem too drained when Oscar visited her in the hospital.
If she was in pain during labor and wanted medication, though, it was prohibited per their child contract. More importantly, the only methods to get rid of the pain were: “castor oil, a hot bowl of curry, nipple stimulation, herbal teas, or swinging in a tire swing.”
2 THEY HAD VERY SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS ON WHAT TO DO IF THEIR CHILD HAD MUTANT POWERS
Just as Dwight was training his son to sleep with his eyes open, it makes all the sense in the world that he would cater to his son if he had mutant capabilities.
According to section three: Delivery and the Birth of the Child, “Should the child have mutant powers, parties agree to send the child to a school that aids the child in harnessing his talents for good.”
1 THE CHILD WILL BEGIN WEIGHT TRAINING AT A YOUNG AGE
Dwight claims he’s the toughest in the office. He knows karate, he has weapons hiding all over the office, and he’s so strong that he can even beat up himself. Could his strength all come from working on the beet farm his entire life? Well, if so, Dwight wants his son to be the same.
In section eight: Clothing, the contract states “The child is to wear weights on his ankles and wrists throughout adolescence for strength building.” This could very well be seen as child abuse but luckily it was something not shown on The Office.